The other day, my website hosting took a big dump, and I ended up having to spend a lot of time jacking around with my various websites. While in the process of said jacking, I noticed that it’s been about a year since I’ve posted anything to pretty much any of my websites. This doesn’t bode well for popularity in the virtual realm, because people on the internet tend to forget about you if you don’t constantly bitch and throw tantrums on a regular basis… or show your tits. Trust me, you don’t want to see my tits. There’s been good reason for my minimal ranting and bitching, the main one being I haven’t really sat down and taken the time to bother. Yes, I could sit down and give all kinds of bullshit excuses and try to win sympathy with various pathetic life instances… but I’m going to take the high road instead and focus on some of the better reasons why I haven’t been bitching on the internet as much over the past year.
1. I got laid… a lot
- Yes, unlike many people who piss and moan on the internet and have successful blogs because of such rants… I was getting booty instead of wasting my time complaining about things that piss me off. Why spend precious hours typing up something that a whopping 5 people read these days, when I could do something charitable with my time, and bone.
- A great side effect of getting laid is not being so grouchy. While my FWB would most likely call bullshit right here… fortunately for you assholes, she gets to put up with my grouchiness in person so you guys don’t have to read about it. If you think about it… she’s actually helping you get laid by proxy, since you no longer have to waste time on the internet reading about me; you should thank her.
- Getting laid requires a lot of time, devotion, physical strength, mental toughness, talent, stamina… things most people who have websites where they just constantly complain, know nothing about. So once again, my various websites suffer because I’m properly preparing myself for booty marathons.
2. Working Full-time for The Man
- Meh, it’s working for The Man and he’s still a cheap bastard. I was working for myself before (pronounced BROKE AS SHIT and wasting my efforts trying to do websites for a living) and finally threw in the towel for the time being to get back on my feet and enjoy the smaller things in life again… like midget wrestling.
3. Got cool new stuff like a badass computer, a bunch of Android tablets, guitar, guitar amp… things that entertain me a lot more than writing about stuff that pisses me off in life.
- Android devices are fucking awesome. I own like 93826749327864-372640823764 of them now and make them do cool shit that most people just stand around and dream about. My goal is to have a house with full voice automation and human interaction on a communicative level. Such a feat is now completely achieveable using Android and I intend to make my domicile a sanctuary of badassery doing so!
- Finally purchased an acoustic guitar, something I’ve never owned… and a killer guitar amp for my sweet electric guitar. I don’t plan on joining a band or anything, nor performing live anytime soon… but I now have options in case I get a wild hair up my ass.
- Something that’s been plaguing me for the past couple years is the lack of tools available to me on a desktop computing level… hardware-wise. I’ve always been able to access various software I’ve needed in order to do various tasks, but to some level or another, my computer has always had some kind of hardware limitation that has always kept me from being able to do all of the things I wanted it to do. That plague is NO MORE, as I’ve built my dream system that now does ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I could possibly want/need it to do… without hiccups, freezing, stress on the system, etc. I can do print-sized graphics with ridiculously deep layers, render video in minutes, do multitrack audio without buffering issues, run 15+ virtual desktops at once, play any game known to man on “ULTRA” settings. All of that, and do productive things on a way more efficient level than I’ve only been able to wish for in the past. Having such a tool at my disposal makes me not bored, and not being bored means less bitching on the internet.
4. Relocated to the Charlotte, NC area… THANK GOD!
- Living in Missouri sucks unless you live in St. Louis, or Kansas City. As a matter of fact, both cities also claim dual stateship (St.Louis shacks up with Illinois and K.C. bones hot bitches in Kansas) just so they can claim that they AREN’T LOCATED IN FUCKING MISSOURI! Why does living in Missouri suck? You go fucking live there for 3 years, and if you don’t agree with me… you’re a moron, or Missourite as they like to call themselves.
- Weather in the Charlotte area is pretty much perfect most of the time. You get all of the seasons, but just enough of the shitty ones to remind you how great Spring is… and Spring lasts like… 9 months out of the year (I may be exaggerating a little bit).
- There’s beach on one side, mountains on the other
- Hot chicks, religious chicks, redneck chicks, rich chicks, poor chicks, college chicks, ugly chicks, skinny chicks, fat chicks, foreign chicks, blind chicks, deaf chicks… probably dudes too.
- I’m probably the smartest motherfucker within a 60 mile radius. I’m not making this up AT ALL! The people here make me look like a fucking SUPER GENIUS! It’s GREAT! Instead of getting pissy at how stupid people around here are, I use it to my advantage and just try to blend in. I think WAY less, accomplish twice as much, and get a “thank you sir” when all is said and done.
- People here have AWESOME manners! Anyone who knows me well, knows I’m a self professed “sucker for good manners.” I think there should be laws stating that you should say “Please” and “Thank you” at the appropriate times, or you FRY IN THE FUCKING ELECTRIC CHAIR! Everyone here in the Charoltte area calls you “Sir,” “Bud,” “Bro, ” and they always say please and thank you… it’s euphoric to my FACE!
- Chicks with North Carolina accents sound cute, even if they’re fucking ugly. I’m on the phone all day due to my occupation, so I have absolutely no idea what these girls look like… hell, for all I know they are fucking hideous. I can confidently say though, that when they talk to me in that sweet little southern accent… I have to crawl further into my hole (cubby) at work to hide the happiness I feel in my pants. O.k. I’m making that part up, but naw… it’s cute to hear them try so hard to sound all smart. Plus they really dig my “midwestern accent” (pronounced: ANOUNCIATING, and TALKING CORRECTLY).
- There’s so much cool shit to do in Charlotte, my head explodes just thinking about it. As a matter of fact, the only thing I can think of that isn’t cool about stuff to do here is that whole NASCAR thing… yikes!
- Did I mention Missouri sucks?
5. Life has been getting VERY good for me
- I have family here, so I get to hang with my 3 awesome neices on a regular basis. Sadly, they are 7, 8, and 1… and whoop my ass in farting and belching contests. I’m so ashamed.
- Successfully jumped into the Bitcoin mining game a bit before the difficulty rose to ridiculous levels, and have been able to upgrade equipment/mine as such to where over the course of the next couple years I should be able to make a small investment quite profitable. No, I won’t be rich… but it’ll help me out nicely in my continued forward movement in life.
- Weekends, major holidays, and Wednesdays off from work. While I loathe my job, I can’t complain because it’s putting money in my pocket and affording me enough free time to get things done and hang out with family and friends. Unfortunately, it hinders my travel abilities a bit and limits me to weekend jaunts… I’ll take what I can get though.
- Health insurance. Thanks to Captain Dumbass… also known as our fearless, and trusted douchebag President, I will have something that slightly resembles some simbilance of health insurance for the first time in close to 20 years. Now I can finally go to the doctor and talk to him about that burning sensation when I pee. (Just kidding FWB! Got ya!)
- Bills paid ahead of time, and a very nice financial cushion for the first time in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still dirt poor according to the average household income and all that shit… but I’m also smarter than the average household income, so what I’ve got right now works out well for me.
- FWB travels a lot to the area and will be travelling this general diection more, due to “business.” Yeah right, I call it an excuse to hop up and down on my knob more, because I’m the best thing since sliced cornbread… but if it gets her here more frequently, HELL YEAH!
- The shithole house I grew up in and HATED from the first day I laid eyes on it… has offically been sold by my folks, and was demolished by the new property owner shortly thereafter. Words cannot possibly express how amazing a feeling it is knowing that the skeletons and demons that plagued my childhood/teenage years can now rest at peace. One of these days I’ll do an autobiography or something and tell some of the various things I experienced in that shithole of a “house,” but at this moment I’m focusing on the nicer things.
- My folks purchased a new house, I haven’t even seen it in person yet… but they are happy, comfortable, and while they never won “Parents Of The Year” awards for the way they raised myself and my siblings; they deserve it. I’m happy for them, for the first time in a long time.
- My older sister was diagnosed with M.S. While most would think this is a terrible thing for me to put on a “positive” list… she’s been struggling with mental and physical ailments for a long time, and to be honest; kinda crazy on occasion. Having been diagnosed, she can now get proper treatment and it allows the rest of us (my family) to have a better understanding of what she’s going through. Having experienced serious anxiety and depression issues in the past myself, I can imagine how relieved she must feel to know she’s not straight up losing her mind, and there is actually something wrong with her. I talked to her at length about it around Christmas, and she agreed that knowing gives a certain peace of mind she didn’t have before. So now I’ll be learning more about M.S. and how it affects people… and hopefully I don’t have that shit too! I kid… mostly.
- I get to hang with the coolest chick on the face of the planet on a daily basis. Her name is “The Lou” and while she is only 1 year old, she makes life look a lot brighter. While I don’t have much hope for the morons of today, that little bundle of badness gives me confidence in knowing that I can still make a difference in this world… even if it is just teaching her that a plastic skull is WAY cooler than a fucking dolly. If I never get a chance to write another thing on this website again… it’s probably because I’m too busy learning how to be more awesome from my amazing little 1 year-old neice. In the past, I could have written post after post of things that piss me off in life… these days, I’d rather spend that time being awesome with The Lou.
So there’s a bit of an update on me. I’m not too sure when I’ll make time again to sit down and type something for people to read. Think of that as a good thing. Until then, thank you for caring enough to spend your time learning about the various things that encompass my messed up, but vastly improving little world.